I don’t think that cheating is always equivalent to something that was done to be malicious or hurtful. I think sometimes we rush into things without truly evaluating where our minds are or what we are prepared for, and commit before we are prepared. Our generation seems to be obsessed with this idea of love and finding someone and not being alone and whatever else, and then wonders why people step out so much. Regardless of how much someone loves or cares about you, if they are not at a point in their life that they are ready to settle down, they simply won’t be able to do it. It doesn’t mean they’re trying to hurt you; it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. It means they’re in a situation they’re not ready to be in. If someone cheated on me, would I be mad? As much as I’d like to say no, the answer is most likely yes. But, if I know that person loves me, and I know I love that person, at some point I’d take a step back and say “So why did this happen?” & the answer is most likely because they just weren’t ready to be in a serious relationship. I wouldn’t stay with someone that cheated on me; that would be foolish. They cheated because something in the relationship isn’t what it should be. However, I also wouldn’t write them off as “ain’t shit” or “an ass” or whatever else. People can really love you, but love you the wrong way. You can meet the right person at the wrong time. There are people out there that love who they’re with, but just aren’t in the right mindset to commit, so they don’t. & while cheating is wrong, it’s also wrong to sit here & think that just because someone cheats everything they ever said they felt was a lie. I am a huge believer in timing. Everything is about timing. I could meet the person I’m going to marry right now; hell, maybe I’ve met him, but if it’s not time for us to be together right now - it’s not time. We’re so into this idea of forcing things to happen, this idea that “I really like you” HAS to transition into “Let’s commit to each other.” We forget that we’re young & need to be able to live our lives. We need to be able to “sleep around” or hang out with a bunch of people or date or whatever the hell we want to do. We need to get all that shit out of our system so that when we meet the right person, we are able to love them the right way. But we forget that. & we rush. & then we end up hurting the people we love because we are so concerned with the idea of “Well, I really care about this person. I need to be with them before this that & the third happens.” I truly believe that if you’re meant to be with someone, you two will find your way to each other - whenever the time is right.
I swear I’ve never felt more comfortable in anyone’s arms, but those arms aren’t supposed to be for me.
The problem with trying to sleep off being upset about something, or anything, or everything, is that when you wake up, whatever problems you’re facing are still gonna be there.
Last night, I was reflecting on my life on Twitter because I couldn’t sleep & I said something along the lines of “My ex treated me like shit & I would never let that happen again” because I was just reflecting on how I’ve changed and become stronger and this that & the third. & then today on Twitter his sister was like “I hope that ain’t about my brother cause blah blah” but.. it was.. so naturally, I said “Well, it was” lol. Anyway, we end up getting in this “argument.” Not really though because I was just like “You don’t know what you’re talking about” but she was calling me a bitch and saying I treated him badly and all this other shit and like… That irked me.
Call me out of my name all you want, whatever. But don’t you dare act like I didn’t treat your brother properly.
I loved that nigga, even when it wasn’t healthy for me to do so. The amount of pain I dealt with throughout the two years we were together was crazy. The amount of shit I heard but chose not to believe because I loved him to a fault was crazy. The amount of time I spent crying over the shit that happened between us was crazy. I gave that relationship every ounce of effort I possibly could. I gave that relationship so much that when I left, I went through a stage of having nothing. The amount of time I spent trying to motivate him and push him to be greater or to figure out what he wanted from life or to get help with certain things was crazy. The amount of myself that I invested in him was fucking crazy. It was unhealthy. Our relationship was unhealthy for the both of us. We were completely and utterly caught up among each other. We couldn’t see straight. Our relationship was unhealthy because the way we loved each other was unhealthy. We put one another before ourselves. I put my love for him above my need to love and take care of myself; I can’t speak on how he managed those two things because I honestly don’t know.
But, I loved that boy. And I would never say that I don’t believe he loved me.
And it makes me fucking livid that this girl would sit here and try to pretend that she didn’t know it… that EVERYONE didn’t know it. People knew how much I was there for him. People knew how much I cared for him. People saw how much he hurt me. They saw me crying in the back of class or in the fucking hallway, engulfed in some long ass hug because I was upset about some shit going on between us. They saw how he lied to me. They saw it. And they saw how I always fucking came back.
Don’t you dare sit here and act like I never treated that boy like he was “my everything” when I did because he was. Don’t you dare sit here and tell me that I made him want to kill himself when I was the person begging for him to put the blade down. Don’t you fucking dare sit here and tell me that I didn’t do everything I could to make it work with him. Don’t you fucking dare sit here and try to make it seem like the relationship didn’t work because I didn’t treat him right. And don’t you ever in your fucking life dare sit here and say that you’re glad he “left me” (which he didn’t) because I wasn’t shit. I left him. For the both of us. What we had was dangerous. For him, it was physically harmful. For me, it was emotionally harmful. But what we had was just not good. And I would never say he wasn’t shit. I have all the reasons in the world to be bitter with that man, but I am fucking not, so don’t you dare try to be bitter with me.
Don’t you fucking dare.
You said just because someone cheats doesn't mean they don't love you or whatever, how do you figure this to be true? If someone really loves you, they won't do anything to hurt you. Are you saying cheating can be accepted and just forgotten about?
There is a male in my life that I should like, but I’m not sure I do.
He treats me properly and I know he cares about me. We’re honest with each other. We can just talk about shit. He encourages me to do well & when I tell him I feel as though I’m not doing what I should be, he pushes me to get my shit together.
Realistically, I have been “playin’ games,” but he never gets mad at me or treats me any type of way. He lets me come back, & he makes sure I know that his interest is still there.
He’s not the most attractive nigga out there, but he’s not unattractive either. He’s tatted :D lol.
I just don’t know what it is.
I feel like I get so caught up in this idea of “Well, what else is out there?” that I never get to a point where I can absolutely say that I like (or don’t like) him.
It’s confusing, because I know that I should — if that makes sense.
It’s stressful too, because I keep.. looking. & not really liking what I find in others.
I’ve been listening to Chris Brown for how long now?
Like.. 8 or 9 years.
If you think I can just up and abandon my position as a loyal member of Team Breezy and hop on another artist who I do not have any emotional connection with, you are clearly mistakin’.
There is no way in hell I could ever form the kind of connection I have with CB as an artist; there’s just no way.
& beyond that, regardless of what slander you attempt to throw his way, I know that at the end of the day, Chris Brown isn’t a bad person. He’s just not. & you can try to fight me on it all you want, but I’ve literally watched him grow up, I’ve listened to him grow up.
I know better than to ever make such a false assumption about him.
He’s an amazing artist and though he has a tendency to seem lost, he’s ultimately still a good person.
And he’s also the only artist I’ve spent the majority of my life keeping up with.
Ain’t no way another nigga could swoop up in my ears and take that spot.
Chris Brown is like my first music artist love.
Because when I spend too much time alone, I can see and feel its remnants.
Last year, in a paper I wrote (about my depression) I stated:
Seven years later, I still tend to feel lost within myself, somewhat of a prisoner of my depression. So far, there has been no escape. I may get better. I may become stronger. But, that does not mean that I will become normal. None of those things suggest that I will become me again.
I still find myself in that position. It has gotten better; I am stronger. But by no means do I feel that I have become normal. I still feel as though there is a part of me that is lacking. I find myself saying, doing, and feeling things that I feel are against my character, yet they do not appear that way. I am still so undeniably detached from my emotions that I am unable to evaluate them; rather than identify how I feel, I tend to have the convenient default of feeling nothing. My emotions are like that of a child: anger, fear, disgust, contempt, joy, sadness, & surprise.
But that is fine.
"I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be" but I am capable of improvement. I am, this year, far better than I was last year - and I will be, next year, far better than I am this year.
My depression is not gone, but I am no longer allowing it to dominate my being.
- Standing up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone
- Understanding that people won’t always agree with you
- Identifying the values you hold which you won’t “agree to disagree” on
- Being true to the people that you hold dearly
- Giving people the benefit of the doubt
- Realizing that everyone makes mistakes
- Learning forgiveness
- Spreading knowledge with others
- Being willing to step outside of your comfort zone
- Understanding that happiness is something that must be discovered by oneself for oneself
- Making a statement
- Finding your passions
I am a woman. I have curves for a reason; I have (arguably) sex appeal for a reason. If I choose to use that, it does not make me any less of a strong, admirable, respectable woman. Every woman is capable of being, and has a right to be, sexy.
Why is it that females are supposed to be scared of talking about sex or being sexy?
Nah. Fuck that.
I like some good sex; I like feeling sexy from time to time. Every woman does.
The trick is having boundaries.
There is in fact a line between sexy and trashy; however, my line may be placed higher or lower than that of the woman next to me. And you know what? It’s about time we learn to acknowledge the fact that that’s acceptable.
There’s some shady ass shit going on with this Zimmerman sit-chee-ation. I didn’t even realize how shady this shit was until just now but earlier, I was watching the news and caught a glimpse of a picture of Zimmerman’s clothes or some shit and thought “But where’s the blood?” So.. I went about my business for some hours, but now I go back to this whole mystery: Why weren’t his clothes bloody? 1. This man supposedly shot Trayvon up close and 2. He claims he was being so badly beaten that he just HAD to shoot the kid. WHERE. IS. THE. BLOOD? He has a head allegedly being bashed against a sidewalk (which I call complete bullshit on because.. Well, I’ll get to those photos in a moment) & he has shot Trayvon Martin, supposedly the result of him “defending” himself from said head bashing - yet he isn’t bloody? And then we get to this whole alleged attack……… And those pictures of his “injuries”…..
Here we have a picture of Zimmerman after the attack, kinda smirking like “LOL I just shot a black kid, who cares look at my fucked up nose and busted lip and the blood and shit”
Here, we have the same asshole in the same outfit therefore, during the same span of time and would you look at that - his nose went from swollen, bruised up looking, and crooked as fuck to normal with a little baby cut on the bridge in no time. And yes, look at that blood dripping down his head from gashes that I must just be too blind to see. And I mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t have huge fucking gashes on the back of his head after being brutally attacked by Trayvon Martin or anything. And yeah.. Self-defense… Because those injuries TOTALLY look life-threatening. Like, looking at them, I feel so0o0o concerned about his well-being… Like, he was really in a predicament, clearly. It was kill or be killed out on that sidewalk of that neighborhood in Sanford, FL in the rain that night, obviously. I mean.. It felt like his head was gonna explode, ya know?
*Note: I’m being sarcastic
OH! AND THEN THERE’S HIS ACCT. OF WHAT HAPPENED….
Now, needless to say, I’m sure there’s naturally some differences when someone gives an acct. of shit and blah blah. He did a video, a written statement, and some audio shit. However, if someone threatened your life, you really gon’ forget those exact words? One minute, Trayvon said “You’re gonna die motherfucker,” the next, he said “You’re gonna die tonight motherfucker. Which one was it, Zimmerman? How do you not remember the exact words of a threat like that? Especially since it’s such a brief sentence?
But let me rewind and start from the beginning of this asshole’s video account of what occurred that night.
In the beginning of the video, we hear this pathetic little fuck talking all soft and shit like he a victim or somethin’ talkin’ about some “I don’t know where he came from” like he wasn’t following Trayvon. What the fuck do you mean you don’t know where he came from when you specifically told the 911 operator or whatever that you were following him? We only 12 seconds in and I already call bullshit. Then he goes into this whole “I went to grab my phone but it was in a different pocket than usual so I just a-happened to look down and he just a-happened to punch my wack ass in the face” story… So. A “suspicious” black male that you’ve been following around approaches you and asks if you have a problem and you take your eyes off of him? AND you forget where you put your phone just in time for him to sucker punch you? … Okay. Then he “stumbles” and Trayvon “somehow” ends up on top of him and then.. after pausing for five seconds… he says that’s when he “started screaming for help”…. Then he starts talking about when Trayvon grabbed him but OH WAIT NO he tried to sit up and then Trayvon grabbed him and started to “slam” his head into the sidewalk — even though this bitch standing on the grass… OH WAIT. But no no. See, his body was on the grass but his head — his fat ass head was on the cement. So basically. This nigga saying Trayvon had him laid out horizontally on the ground. Who you know shoves a nigga down on the ground horizontally? Nigga, if I’m puttin’ your ass on the ground, you goin’ straight back. I ain’t gon’ toss your ass sideways. But anyway.. So now he’s squirming around on the ground, asking some neighbor that popped their head out to help him, but his jacket moves up just enough for Trayvon to just a-happen to see his gun & THAT’S when Trayvon says “You’re gonna die tonight motherfucker” (in this variation of Zimmerman’s story, at least) then he goes to grab the gun. But thennnnn Zimmerman grabs the gun and shoots him & then THIS is where his story really sounds fucked up to me.
So. He shoots Trayvon, who is straddling over him, right? Trayvon sits up & says something like “You got me” or whatever. Then Zimmerman ends up on top of him. BUT NOT FACE TO FACE. Zimmerman someway, somehow has Trayvon ON HIS STOMACH and is sitting ON HIS BACK. Now. Idk about y’all but.. If I’m straddling someone and I sit up and they fight to get on top of me. I’m not gon’ end up on my stomach. I’ma be on my back because naturally, they’re gonna push me backwards, not roll me around on the ground and shit. So.. How exactly did Zimmerman end up on Trayvon’s BACK? It’s a great question - & he doesn’t know the answer. Then he’s talkin’ about how he had him face down with his arms spread all apart and shit &.. HOW, AT NO POINT, DID HE NOT REALIZE HE FUCKING SHOT TRAYVON? Cause he ain’t just graze the nigga. He ain’t shoot him in the leg or the arm or something. HE SHOT TRAYVON MARTIN IN THE CHEST. Yet, he didn’t realize it? And also, moving backwards for a second, I highly doubt that Trayvon, AFTER TAKING A FUCKING BULLET TO THE CHEST, said some shit like “You got me.” And if he did, I highly doubt it was just like “Oh iight, you got me.” Is it not a natural reaction for someone to like.. look down at a gun wound when they’re shot off-guard and shit? It seems like whenever someone is seriously injured by some kinda weapon or some shit, they look down at the wound and like.. touch it. Like.. some kinda moment of realization. You tryna tell me Trayvon ain’t do any of that shit? Instead he was just like “Okay, you got me” and then got tackled to the ground, face down, with a bullet in his chest, without vocalizing that shit in any way or without seeming as though he’s injured? …. Yeah, okay….
So basically. The moral of this post is: Zimmerman’s a liar & a murderer & possibly even a racist & the entirety of his story makes no goddamn motherfucking sense.