I just want to marry a tall black man that calls me “shawty” as a term of endearment & have beautiful babies, money, success, & happiness.

i need a friend like me.

that sounds bad, like… cocky or something, but it’s not.

what i mean is that i need a friend that is a friend to me the way i am a friend to my friends. i am friends with far too many people that are nothing like me - and i am friends with far too many people that enable me. i’m the friend that’s the complete opposite of an enabler. 

now, while i am ultimately responsible for my actions, i need a friend that reminds me when my actions are not what i truly want. i have voiced several times that i don’t like certain things that i do, yet none of my friends have stopped me from continuing those behaviors when i present them. i can be impulsive at times, and not in a good way, in a dumb way. and i want a friend that’s not going to say “well, if that’s what you want to do” because of course i’m gonna think i want to do it. i don’t think through it. i need a friend that’s going to say “bri, remember the other day when you said ____? i don’t think you really want to do this if you take the time to think it through.”

i need a friend that has my back in a way that i have other people’s backs.  

i get in these moods where dealing with people is just a lot to me. i think it’s because i get reminded that while i’m constantly growing & changing & trying to better myself, i’m still confronted with/by people that seem stagnant. i am almost twenty, yet i still come across people that remind me of the kinds of people i knew in middle school. & often, when i come across those kinds of people, i become tempted to revert back to the kind of person i once was instead of rising above. then i’m disappointed in those kinds of people for existing & myself for forgetting that i’ve grown up.

all I want to do is have a successful career, make six figures, marry a man that I have a beautiful relationship with, & have children that I adore who are healthy & have their own success in life.

Anonymous:
What's the meaning behind your new tattoo Bri?

Well, all meaning aside, it’s a matching tattoo I got with my best friend. She’s wanted a gun for awhile & I didn’t have anything against it lol. 

I mean, it’s on the same side as my quote, so to me, it kinda goes along with that. It’s about having control of things. My gun, my trigger. Kinda about having strength too. I know that I have all of the parts in me to create a “bullet” but just because I have the “bullet” doesn’t mean I have to give in to that. I have a choice in things, even if I have a biological predisposition for depression or even a psychological vulnerability for it.

I’m not sure if I explained that well, lol. I haven’t had to explain it yet. 

there’s a difference between someone that’s protective over what’s theirs & someone that’s just insecure/distrustful. some of y’all sitting here saying you’re just protective over what’s yours when really you’re afraid someone’s gonna take it away. 

i’m just tired of people settling for shit.

no.

stop it.

don’t settle. 

don’t say “well, this is just how it is.” 

no. 

it doesn’t have to be.

don’t fucking settle.

it just really bothers me that a lot of people have turned relationships into investments. 

"i’ve been with them for x amount of time so i’m gonna make it work even if i’m unhappy because i already put in the hours." 

no. 

if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, & staying in it won’t change that. 

i feel like so many people are just at a standstill in their relationships & they think that’s normal.

i feel like so many people are sitting with their significant other, doing what they always do, being how they always are - not really growing any.

i feel like so many people are just in relationships that aren’t even really enjoyable anymore, but now they feel obligatory.

and i feel like all of that just isn’t okay.

it’s not what relationships should be about or like.